Making things work
by rubyriot
Summary: Just a one-shot, set after the Distillers concert in Let the Games Begin. An insight into the thoughts of Jess.


Jess dropped Rory off after the concert and headed home. It had turned out to be a good night, but he couldn't help thinking she had been a little bit preoccupied. Maybe something was upsetting her at school. That might explain the sudden interest in hockey. She had obviously gone there trying to avoid something else. She could be very unpredictable sometimes, a fact she claimed made things more fun, but unless it was her randomly kissing him unexpectedly, it only frustrated him. Then again, remembering his run-in with her mother earlier, he decided it was probably her suggestion. He let himself into the apartment above the diner, still thinking. The diner and the apartment were both dark, meaning Luke was still out with Nicole. Jess was glad for the lack of company. He didn't bother turning on the light because he preferred the dark and wasn't up for reading at the moment. He was on his way to his "room" when he noticed the little red blinking light signaling that he had a phone message. He walked slowly toward the phone, debating whether or not he wanted to listen to the message. He had almost forgotten that she had asked him to delete his phone messages. He could guess as to why she had given him that cryptic request and his brain told him to oblige, but curiosity was getting the better of him. He supposed Lorelai had been right and Rory really had been pissed at him for not calling the night before, but she never said anything so how was he supposed to know. When Lorelai had told him off at the diner for not calling Rory, he had figured it was just another excuse for her to give him a hard time because she clearly did not think he was good enough for her daughter. Apparently he had been wrong. He hesitated with his finger above the delete button, knowing he was probably better off pushing it and forgetting about what it might say. Well, that's what a non-masochistic person would have done, anyway. Of course, he was a total glutton for punishment, which is why he moved his finger slightly to the left and pushed the play button quickly before he could change his mind.

"By the way, this message is for Jess" the familiar voice intoned before the click and beep signaled the end of the recording. Jess sighed and pushed the delete button. Running his fingers through his hair, he lay down on his bed, fully clothed with his eyes wide open in the dark. Apparently his bad-boy charm was starting to wear off. This was exactly why he didn't have real relationships. He was a screw-up, but most of the time he was also good at not caring about the consequences. That is, until he got sent here. Until he met Rory and started caring about her and all the stupid things she cared about, including him. She always tried to convince him that he was worthwhile and could do something good with his life. Sometimes she was so convincing, he almost believed her. Mostly, though, the only thing he felt he had done right was getting her, and now he was screwing that up too. He wished he didn't care so much about her. He was definitely not an expert at love, but he was pretty sure that was what he felt for her, even if he didn't want to admit it. She made him want to be a better person; made him want to succeed. The last thing he wanted was to disappoint her, which scared him because he was so good at disappointing people. He had been doing it his whole life. He had gotten used to it and shut himself off from everyone who didn't care about him, like his dad who left him for no good reason and his mom who shipped him off to this hell-hole without his consent. He had to do something to fix this, he realized. He could at least make an effort; after all, it wouldn't kill him to pick up the phone more often. It wasn't like he didn't want to talk to her or make plans to see her, he had just never done that before, for anyone. He was about to get up and call her to apologize and make a concrete plan to hang out the next day when he heard Luke come in the door. Part of him wanted to get up and talk to Luke. To accept that his uncle actually cared about him and wanted to help. Besides, Luke had known Rory since she was a little kid and could probably actually help him figure out a way to get back in her good graces. But again, he was a glutton for punishment and he had already let his guard down with Rory. He couldn't let any more of his wall crumble; it was too dangerous. He closed his eyes and rolled over on his side, vowing to call Rory first thing in the morning. He would turn things around by himself, somehow.


End file.
